Why do they call it a “crush”? Is it because that is the way you feel when he doesn’t feel the same in return! Well maybe….But the concern every word of his reflects, his anger when he says to me that I should not let anyone make fun of me, his dominance over me while fighting, his child-like smile that turned disastrous days into sweet memories, his laughter that makes me realize what is the thing that I want in my life….I wish all these were absent in my life! These things make me feel empty and hollow from deep inside and a voice loud and clear shouts in my ears”NOT IN YOUR REACH !”. Life would have been much easier to deal with if you did not ask me that question, and I, being in the drift, had not answered it so easily. Why on earth did you ask the name…and why did I tell you, God knows! After confessing deep secrets hidden inside this tiny soul, believe me it was not that easy to say, “It’s not possible between us”, and to add to my troubles you asked me “Why do you think it’s not possible?” with a look as if you were reading my soul by peering through my eyes. I just had to break the eye contact, else the gravitation governed by your eyes would have pulled more secrets apart from me.The dilemma running through my mind like a hurricane, when I wished that you feel everything by yourself without me intruding into your thoughts, and on the other hand I was scared to accept my own feelings and my fake thoughts-that nothing has happened- continued to prevail over my feelings. You thought that your promise to be friends always and let nothing turn awkward between us would cheer me up, but my heart said that you were wrong for the first time in your life, rather it made my heart scatter into pieces.
We were good friends, still I don’t know what forced something to change between us. The loud laughter had turned into eye contacts and a smile followed by lowering of eyes from both the sides, the friendly touch suddenly began to soothe injuries, the pain started and ended into two different souls, the mention of a name startled me, the wait for a like on Facebook brought more excitement, the smile was of a different kind that came from reading old messages.
This may sound insane but the accident i met once turned into a memory not because of the cuts and bruises, but because of you standing by my side and soothing them. I don’t know the reason but I was on the seventh sky when the mental trauma got healed in a moment after you touched me. The feelings came all over again and I was confused whether my physical wounds were healing or soul falling apart! The more I try to resist those feelings, the more caring you become. You know !…you have to stop this, else my brain and heart would soon begin a war against each other.