This afternoon when dad was having a nap, I just sat beside him and looked at him. I don’t know why but I felt like doing so, there was a strange kind of satisfaction when I saw him sleeping without any tension, without those lines on his forehead, without his eyes reflecting home and work [...]
I keep on peeping inside my heart to look for an answer to a constant question revolving in my mind. A question which does not let me get a peaceful sleep, a question which at times questions my existence, a question which I fear that would remain unanswered for the ultimate. “When will my heart [...]
What if we are in the parallel world? Where I am not the way I am, Where he is not the way he is, Where my heart will not skip a beat on seeing him, Where my soul would no more carry a “no trespassing” board for everyone else but him, Where I would not suddenly slow down my pace while walking on the deserted roads, thinking about him, Where nights would be more peaceful and days such that I am less lost in thoughts, Where his pain would no more bring tears in my eyes, Where I would no more pray to God for his well being, Where his smile would not bring a curve on my lips too, Where his favourite dish would appear less tempting to me how terrible it may be, Where his anger would no more bring gloom to me, Where days would appear less beautiful with him, Where my heart would not long for a walk with him on the roads not taken, Where pulling his leg would not be my favourite time pass, Where submitting to him would not be more satisfying even when he is wrong, Where loosing to him just to make him smile would no more be my concern, Where my eyes would not swell due to sleepless nights, Where his bad health would no more bring a hurricane of tension to me, Where our chats would become less lengthy, Where we would stop sharing our sorrows, Where he would become less true to me, Where I would turn fake to him, Where he stops trusting me, Where I would not understand him, Where he stops protecting me, Where I stop defending him, Where my soul would stop falling apart on not getting the string taut from both ends, Where my cuts and bruises would not heal by his Midas touch, Where he saying me that he dreamt of me last night would not lead to ,me lowering of eyes, Where he saying that he is missing me even when he is with his gang would not make me flatter, Where he saving the last bite just for me would no more bring sparkle to my eyes, Where I would not call him at midnight just to flush out my anger , Where he too stops being my punching bag, Where holidays would not turn to nightmares with the fear of not seeing him for days, Where anti “we being friends” people would actually start to be our concern, Where his pain becomes less evident to me from his eyes, Where my aching heart becomes less open to him, Where his lies would not be caught by me when I just look into his eyes for once, Where silence would not speak a thousand words between us, Where I stop telling him to be so outgoing and selfless for people who don’t deserve that, Where he stops telling me that I should not be dedicated towards those who use me as a tissue paper, Where he stops being my quiet listener to whatever I blabber, Where I no more see every face of his, be it the leather jacket protective one or the ice cream eating childlike one, Where he stops knowing me better, more than what I know and more than what he shows, Where my eyes don’t search for him secretively wherever I go, Where a fight with him no more fills my eyes with tears, Where his words making me understand stop being more than his apologies, Where his name slides down mine in my priority list, Where dates and dinners would matter more than sharing thoughts over a walk, Where I stop admiring his simplicity and grounded nature, Where the respect I hold for him in this tiny heart lessens a bit, Where the mutual blind trust hides somewhere, Where his name itself stops making me blush, Where his secret admiration no more be thousand times more precious to me than many words from everyone else, [...]
I am proud to hold such feelings which do not require a fueling system to power its existence in my heart. The only driving force are my feelings in its purest form and nothing else.And on the firm grounds of those feelings and due to the respect I hold for those I cannot allow anyone [...]
I had never expected him to take me on dinner dates, rather he took me out for walks along the deserted and not so explored roads. Just a call on my phone and he asking me,”Where are you?....wanna join me for a walk?” and I used to get one more chance with this every time [...]
My eyes were swollen and red because of crying for hours, still a thought was peeping into my head again and again, whether he is fine or is he disturbed because of whatever happened today? Maybe that’s the reason i replied him with a positive on chat when he asked me if I was [...]
Whatever be the situation I try to be strong and never let firm ground slip under my feet. But the only situation when my nerves are not under my control is when I have to regret my own decisions. I being a rationale person, for the first time in my life followed the echoes [...]
The confession brought more troubles into my life. On one hand my mind was trying to resist his thoughts and on the other hand my heart wrenched to tell him the whole truth.....shout out to him that its not just an infatuation....it can't be for me at least, who in her whole life could never [...]
Why do they call it a “crush”? Is it because that is the way you feel when he doesn’t feel the same in return! Well maybe....But the concern every word of his reflects, his anger when he says to me that I should not let anyone make fun of me, his dominance over me while fighting, his child-like smile that turned disastrous days into sweet memories, his laughter that makes me realize what is the thing that I want in my life....I wish all these were absent in my life! These things make me feel empty and hollow from deep inside and a voice loud and clear shouts in my ears”NOT IN YOUR REACH !”. Life would have been much easier to deal with if you did not ask me that question, and I, being in the drift, had not answered it so easily. Why on earth did you ask the name...and why did I tell you, God knows! After confessing deep secrets hidden inside this tiny soul, believe me it was not that easy to say, “It’s not possible between us”, and to add to my troubles you asked me “Why do you think it’s not possible?” with a look as if you were reading my soul by peering through my eyes. I just had to break the eye contact, else the gravitation governed by your eyes would have pulled more secrets apart from me.The dilemma running through my mind like a hurricane, when I wished that you feel everything by yourself without me intruding into your thoughts, and on the other hand I was scared to accept my own feelings and my fake thoughts-that nothing has happened- continued to prevail over my feelings. You thought that your promise to be friends always and let nothing turn awkward between us would cheer me up, but my heart said that you were wrong for the first time in your life, rather it made my heart scatter into pieces. We were good friends, still I don’t know what forced something to change between us. The loud laughter had turned into eye contacts and a smile followed by lowering of eyes from both the sides, the friendly touch suddenly began to soothe injuries, the pain started and ended into two different souls, the mention of a name startled me, the wait for a like on Facebook brought more excitement, the smile was of a different kind that came from reading old messages. This may sound insane but the accident i met once turned into a memory not because of the cuts and bruises, but because of you standing by my side and soothing them. I don’t know the reason but I was on the seventh sky when the mental trauma got healed in a moment after you touched me. The feelings came all over again and I was confused whether my physical wounds were healing or soul falling apart! The more I try to resist those feelings, the more caring you become. You know !...you have to stop this, else my brain and heart would soon begin a war against each other.
This is the story of a girl who took the first foot forward to express her feelings to the one she loved and then could break any limits to let her pure feelings persist in her soul although the string was not taut from both the ends. Be a part of her journey by reading the pages of her life!